I recently began thinking about the drive and sense of urgency I felt daily. I wondered what was so urgent? Why do I feel like I need to get somewhere or do something, and why does it feel like I haven’t accomplished anything? Life is time. It’s the days that go by its the seconds jumping out of our hands. Its the one thing we cannot control. Is that a problem? I certainly don’t think so. If life is time, then would that mean my living is equal to a minute of breath? Maybe eighty years, maybe less, of walking, sitting, talking? I think so. Purpose itself is what brings these urges. I have that. A purpose. And it is to live time to its fullest. To enjoy it, and do what it is my God instills in me. I have the freedom to do so. Without needing this drive or guilt to knaw at me.
Someone came into the office the other day and asked if I had gone to school yet. My heart sank and my mind fell back into High School, into the pressures of the world… you failure, it said. What are you if you have not gone to college in pursuit of high-paying jobs, or in pursuit of working as a vet, like you wanted? Like they wanted… I was sitting in my chair guilt ridden. Why did she say that? Knowing I had not gone to college and gotten a degree, she doesn’t know that I tried so hard, but was crushed, not given a second glance forced back into this routine, these lies that you have to make something of yourself. Something. Who are you to tell me that I am not something? Trying is a failure, now? Make up your mind, world. I am not saying that college or extended education is worthless, or irrelevant to time, to life. However, do not put this trip on someone, that because they have not pursued the road you’ve taken or the road you feel is right for them, they have not tried or made anything of their time.
My mind then came back to the current time, the current life in me. That’s when I realized that our conversations, our meeting with people, should not ever consist of what the other person has not done. I should not place this pressure on people. My whole time in school engraved my life’s schedule into my brain, into my flesh, and if I did not do what they told me to do in life I have failed. It’s good to breathe and know that you just don’t HAVE to do these things. You don’t HAVE to go to college or have a high paying job. You really should work, of course. But don’t let pressure kill the enjoyment of life. Don’t let it take years and valuable seconds of the time you’ve been given. I think I would enjoy school and learning anything new and relevant, and maybe irrelevant stuff/things(like what words i should use in place of stuff/things XD). Just always remember that we do have free will. Sometimes, even though it doesn’t make sense we will fail, we will try and try and still fail, but failure can be good. It tells you to stop and try something else. Just for a little while then come back. As long as time keeps ticking, we can try and fail or succeed at whatever we want. I choose to do it with a smile.
(Okay so this post got way off topic. I was originally going to post about an Instant messaging conversation I had, but that will have to be a new post)