If God was on my side.

I’m listening to Wasteland by NEEDTOBREATHE.

 

Certain voices, songs will just throw me into that mood. You know the mood that throws you into a blizzard of words, of thoughts. To ignore it should be a crime, is a crime. I think we are called to create in different ways. I think I’ll paint. I’m no good at it, but it seems to help the soul smile. I can hear my dog chewing her large nylabone. A simple life she has where chewing a toy could bring her joy. Isn’t that something? To be simple…

One more…

I’m digging through I few poems I logged away. Here’s one more for today:

I am alone with my thoughts.

I blink, 

and there is the image of pastures wide and fenced, where my animals can play

I blink, 

and I see my home, and a long lost soul standing beside me, watching life glow

I blink for a moment and see comfort,

But the moment is always fleeing.

It runs from my reach and in its place – 

Is the ceiling fan…

The grass is gone, my pets have vanished, and I’ve no one to call my soul mate.

Sometimes I blink and in that short moment 

Live a fuller life. 

To God I Give My Soul

I had forgotten about what I used for this blog site, until I looked up and actually read my url. I like it. This is the first time I have been reminded, in a long time, about how I felt about this life. 

I’ve always viewed this life as temporary. I tried to live it the way I wanted, far from pressure, stress, or anxiety, but it isn’t so easy, is it? I try to think on times when I spoke to others about my faith, about the eternal life; life after death. I can only remember a few times. There was my friend in the fifth grade who inquired about it. I tried to explain as best I could, and I think I was able to vaporize a few misconceptions she had about my beliefs. 

There was that Jehovah’s witness outside of the starbucks, when I was a senior in high school. The guy my mom knew when I was a junior in high school. I’ve responded to several people online at two different forums. My sister’s old friend. My cousins. My brother, his girlfriend. Just people who have asked, and I responded. I don’t know any time that I ever initiated a conversation about life and my specific belief, other than to two internet friends. 

I often look back to days when I feel I could have spoken up. A biology teacher making a sweeping and incorrect statement about evolution and all the students scribbling down his nonsense… Why didn’t I say something then? 

It’s dark outside, but it’s still early. This is my favorite type of weather. There’s a breeze gently shaking the leaves and the clouds are hanging low, as if they are reaching for me. I have always loved this dark, cold weather. It’s beautiful. 

I’ll try today to tell someone that Jesus loves them. He died for you and He loves you unconditionally. 

The Answer…

Okay, so far I like where it is headed. :]

Words fell from his mouth, effortlessly pouring out his heart, giving us a piece of his soul…

I met him, first in my mind. A man who was perfect in every way. He smiled and agreed with me. He had a perfect life. I did not know him, but it was this image that I gave him, in hopes that a man as talented as he would not ever go through suffering. It was my hope that pain would not dare damage him. How wrong I was. To wish and to dream that someone can defeat the world’s cruelty will do nothing, but add to the selfishness I was attached to since birth. I faced his tragedy years ago. The eyes of a man in the process of losing his sanity. My heart barely beats these days. How can I murder what is destroying the people I care about? The people I’ve come to adore from afar? For this man I still have not met, but only seen and heard. And my heart breaks at the thought of his smile vanishing.

I began to reflect upon pain and suffering. I began to see his silhouette fighting the demons that so desperately try to rule over him. How could I reach out and stop the raging fists? He does not need to fight his own fights, but to let go of his life. If I could help him let go of his everything, he could see clearly the Weaknesses of these dark angels. My solution is to turn to He who saved my life. My tears were unending at the loss of his presence. My body was nervous and I felt like it would never stop shaking. His voice however picked me up. It was the voice of my Heavenly Father, my Savior that pulled me out of the dark mist I had called home. I must ask Him to do the same for this talented man, this boy of His.

Death and forgiveness

A burning plane nestled in its crater
Persistent cells nestled in one’s mind
Ice Age, Heat Waves, fighting in the dark 
Who can tell when a fire may start 
Or the perfect place to hide ?
A monstrosity, a tragedy
A desperate plea
For help.
Death will occur
Though the time is a mystery 
To all but 
One, the God we seek,
Ticking time
Bomb no one can stop
Before your last breath 
Before you go   
Repent 
He can save you from
Imminent death
Please understand my heart
I wish for not one to part 
And fall into an everlasting pain [Know that I love you…]