Leaving

Explosions
Playing the piano
I need to write
so I go.
my pen drops
the old carpet absorbs my lies,
an old poem.
I bring up
The necessity to keep it going
to write until
my heart is content
like playing a piano
I play the keyboard
demanding the alphabet
of my life to jump onto the page before me
i try not to pause
my thoughts cannot stop
i need them more than ever.
i write because i exist
because my mind says to
My mind demands me to release the thoughts suffocating me
drowning my actions
and so i write, i play
i send my thoughts to run
to build a playground i can visit
i saw today something causing me to erupt in anger, in sadness
for not being the success i had always wanted,
for not being where i could be
but then the words, they play again,
a song they sing to me
What Love rescued my life and gave me abilities.
I may lack all your talent
your perseverance
But I have more than I could have ever anticipated
I may not be anywhere that wanted
but I have everything i will ever need
i have been redeemed
shame is lost, i’m forgiven.
Worries pour out of me and into the ocean
daily
that i may live freely
grasp the tide and not be afraid of letting go
to beat the world and smile in victory
It’s almost too much for me.
I’m just glad that I am truly happy.

Mountain By Blue October

I played this song. I love music with thought provoking lyrics. That is what this song is. As I heard the music and the lyrics, my hands began to itch, to crave a pen, my eyes desired to see my thoughts appear in front of them. I wrote the above as a result. I’m not gonna change it. But I truly love writing. There was a moment today when my failures grasped my neck. I wanted to crawl under my desk and hide. There are times when I feel less than what I could be. Like I have not tried hard enough. It terrifies me. I must always remember that these moments do not define me. My desk cannot protect me, and covering my eyes does not blind the world, but blinds me… And all I can think is me. There is the problem:

I am the problem…

Through it all, my mind died.
It could not have this planet
nor the ocean and its tide
It asked again, Can it
have the rising sun
the beaches and trees that weigh a ton?
My mind fought and died
as suddenly it realized
Destiny and Fate
coincidence and hate
My love, my stuff
the choices and muck
My life, heart and Mind
were not mine to take.

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