A late night thought.

I met him when I was six. They ran and played together. I sat alone and wrote in my diary. I wrote books that I could never finish. I’d illustrate the cover, and give it a title. I’d number all the pages and make sure the book was sturdy before ever giving thought to the words needed. I’d save the story for last. Too often I would write a story and leave out the middle and end.

“Don’t worry little book,” I’d say, “I’ll finish you someday.”

But I never did. I never did finish that little book about my dog and my cat. I started several new ones, never to have an end. I met him as a child, we left him soon after, but he remained a reminder of a pleasant time in my life. Seeing him much later, threw me back into the days that my family was whole and happy. It was a warm, sad feeling. My mind loves to wonder and wander and write my life away. What I write is true.

The image of a lonely child climbing up a tree. She sits upon it content, because she is free.  She waits for her savior to bring her home, and take away the feeling of being left alone.

If God was on my side.

I’m listening to Wasteland by NEEDTOBREATHE.

 

Certain voices, songs will just throw me into that mood. You know the mood that throws you into a blizzard of words, of thoughts. To ignore it should be a crime, is a crime. I think we are called to create in different ways. I think I’ll paint. I’m no good at it, but it seems to help the soul smile. I can hear my dog chewing her large nylabone. A simple life she has where chewing a toy could bring her joy. Isn’t that something? To be simple…

One more…

I’m digging through I few poems I logged away. Here’s one more for today:

I am alone with my thoughts.

I blink, 

and there is the image of pastures wide and fenced, where my animals can play

I blink, 

and I see my home, and a long lost soul standing beside me, watching life glow

I blink for a moment and see comfort,

But the moment is always fleeing.

It runs from my reach and in its place – 

Is the ceiling fan…

The grass is gone, my pets have vanished, and I’ve no one to call my soul mate.

Sometimes I blink and in that short moment 

Live a fuller life. 

Today Is The Day

My mind runs and runs on thoughts. It never stops. Sometimes I sit back and think, If only I had somewhere to log all my thoughts… Haha!

 

Oh but, Elizabeth, you do have somewhere!

 

So here it is: a poem I did not want to share, I will share for you, internet. Then, later, I’ll share another. I want my blog to be as active as this silly mind of mine.

 

What can you do for me?

when waves wash over my

still body?

Will you rescue me

or leave my soul to dry?

 

When the fire burns close,

Will you cover me

or let my body burn to ash?

 

Will you roar and play

to see me smile?

Can you promise me to smile often

and laugh at all the silly jokes?

 

Will you hold on tight

and be my change?

 

Will I be left to wonder

for too long, if you’re

just another cloud?

Another puff of smoke

leaving this great long train

 

Or do you see in me what I saw in you?

 

Will you see that your eyes are too intense to ignore

Your passion too rare a treasure to pass

Your smile so sweet it causes my heart to ache

And your love,

Your love shines and echoes for our creator to see.

I hope you were made for me!

 

Please do not disappoint me, if you must go,

Go happily and never lack the passion I saw

Never stop inspiring

Never stop smiling

Never stop your intense stare, please never let your

excitement burn out.

 

 

To think a stranger could leave such a mark…

Love with purpose – my strange, unique muse.

I Miss Thinking.

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. I wondered what happened to me that my happiness would seem so far gone. Wasn’t I just at peace with my life? Stress seemed to have been eradicated and I was left with my thoughts and happy goals. When I started this blog I felt great. 

I wrote this little note to some stranger. It was sincere and I needed to write it. I had to just vent, then I came to the realization that I need this blog. I need to just air out my thoughts, air out the events that have caused me stress or anxiety. 

I used to sit and think. I used to write poetry. I used to sing loudly on car rides home. I used to read for fun. I used to have more time in the day. I used to dream up stories I could write and goals I could achieve. I used to create character and backgrounds and simple ideas for an amigurami. I used to play video games. I used to wake up early in the morning. I used to train my dog. 

Now I drag myself out of bed every morning, much later than I should. I work. I play with my dog. I watch an episode of either Doctor Who or Fringe, before I roll up and think of all the things I could be doing…

Stumble In And Stay For A While

In the dark night, nothing seemed more important than her own reflection. Idea after idea, after realization, after epiphany, she thought and thought, her reflection never getting any clearer. She wrestled, boxed, raced, fought and lost sight of the breeze, of the Earth’s great beauty, as she stumbled after this reflection. A soul troubled by nonexistent fears, by pressure placed so delicately, but permanently on her shoulders. Life, time, the race never-ending stood at her heart’s door, wanting only to make itself known. “Known to whom?” She would ask. And the light would dim; just another fight with self would begin. A mind not so quiet, rambles on and on, until the thoughts of another stumble in and stay for a while. Stumble in and stay for a while…

Reflection, mirrors drink me in and will not allow me leave, until this puzzle is solved. A mind not so quiet, and another thought: What comes with a day? The sun moves away too quickly to ever consider staying. The cowardly clouds move farther, as my steps push them away. A way into the world is what my mind tries to avoid. A void within the day drives me into the night, to contemplate what is in a mind.