I work in insurance. It started as more of a volunteer thing, about a year ago. Just helping my step-dad out. Now I’m stuck in a job I do not enjoy. Not even the slightest bit. I do like a lot of our clients, but this just isn’t where I want to be. I think the biggest reason for this is that I keep fighting and protesting against it. I’ve always written stories and poetry. I fell in love with photography. I love animals and spending time with my pets. I like going to church and having time to do things. I really dislike giving 40 hours a week to something so against what I am.
I do, however, realize that I am exactly where God wants me. It may not be forever or it could be for longer than I expect. I’ve come to realize that the things I like to do, the places I want to go, require money. So this job is a blessing I guess. I always complain that I don’t get any days off, but I have the weekend. Maybe it’s that I think too much, or have too many things I want to do, and too little time.
Since I have picked up writing again, though, I have been more calm and okay with working at this Insurance office. I like this blog. I like my journal. I like that I can just write away some place and maybe people will read it. Maybe my writing still exists. I guess we all want to be noticed.
I’ve been told by many that I am so lucky to have nailed this job. I have an office job, how absolutely wonderful. It’s like I’m trapped. Chained to a desk. How did this happen? How did I become the only one working there? My mind wanders often.
The trick may just lie in hiding for bit. I like hiding. Staying outside of the spotlight where I don’t have to feel nervous. Where I can sit and smile, fall into the dreams and thinking patterns that make me unique and unnoticeable. But sitting at the front of an office, dealing with angry people or people who will not understand. Can’t I be a writer? Why can’t I be a photographer? I’ve tried so hard to excel in other things. But here I am. Laying in my bed, typing, thinking, hoping for something new. A path made for me. How will I find it if I keep hiding?
I just hope that one day I’ll either do what I enjoy, or learn to enjoy whatever it is I am doing.